I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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