I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize