So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
