Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
