Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
