My nipple is on Facebook.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
