Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
