Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
