She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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