She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
