i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
