having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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