So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
