People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
