there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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