I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
