I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize