Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
