I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
birth control should be required to get into college
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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