guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
