I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize