No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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