Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
