The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
