my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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