I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
