I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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