i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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