When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
