stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
