Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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