I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
