you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
