i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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