I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
