you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
