All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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