We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
