I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
