did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
