doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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