She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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