i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
