Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
