I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
