i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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