I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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