Ambien. No doubt about it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
