I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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