i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
