i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
