I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
