craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like death gave me a hand job
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
