worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
