Umm I'm too high to move.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize