It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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