I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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