I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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