so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
