Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
