Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
