OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
