She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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