Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Four minutes until I can fart!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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