The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
