i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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