Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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