omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
