She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
