just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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