Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you inspire me to be a worse person
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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