Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
