The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Can you bring me the toilet please
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