I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
