just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
